That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
