I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
