so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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