atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
