you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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