just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
