I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
