Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
