i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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