Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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