I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
