god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
