I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
