yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
