Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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