I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
