I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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