this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
