I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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