Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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