I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
