So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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