I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
