ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I could fuck to npr.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
