Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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