he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
