Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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