dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
