I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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