haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize