i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
