i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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