I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
