I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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