i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
