I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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