and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
