Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
