The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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