you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
