Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
