She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
