I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
