just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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