Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
