I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
