You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
