My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
