My friends, they love my intelligence
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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