Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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