O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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